The Last Thing She Told Me Page 19

  If I hadn’t been made redundant, I wouldn’t have done it. It wasn’t really a choice, more of a necessity. And as much as I would have liked to find another way out of the mess, I couldn’t see there was one. No one would want to buy Grandma’s house at the moment, even if we did decide to sell it against her wishes. It was like a family heirloom being passed down through the generations – only it currently appeared more of a curse.

  I was sitting at the kitchen table with my head in my hands when James arrived home from work.

  ‘What’s up? Has something else happened?’

  ‘We’ve had a viewing on the house and they’ve offered the asking price.’

  ‘Jesus, that was quick,’ said James.

  ‘Couple from London. It’s exactly what they were looking for, apparently.’

  ‘Right. So we’re moving.’

  It was said as a statement, not a question. I was going to have to put him right.

  ‘I haven’t accepted yet,’ I replied.

  James frowned. ‘Why? I thought this was what you wanted.’

  ‘It was never what I wanted, only what I thought was the right thing to do. But I was talking to John today – I asked if he could have the girls while we had the viewing – and something he said made me think.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘He said it was more important to respect the wishes of the living than the dead.’

  ‘It’s a fair point, I guess.’

  ‘Ruby’s already told him she’s not moving. She’s having a tough time with everything that’s been going on. This could push her over the edge.’

  ‘I still think she’d come around,’ said James. ‘And we’ve got so far down the line, it would seem pretty stupid to turn the offer down.’

  ‘But you didn’t want this in the first place.’

  ‘I know, but I came to realise it made sense.’

  ‘Does it?’

  ‘Of course. We’ve got the chance of a quick sale, and when I’ve done your grandma’s place up, we’ll get a lot more for it than we would right now. And by that time all the fuss will have died down.’

  ‘Will it? What if they find any more bones?’

  ‘Come on, Nic, don’t believe all that crap on social media.’

  ‘So you’ve seen it too?’

  ‘Yeah, but it’s the usual suspects. All the nutters and trolls who come out of the woodwork anytime something bad happens.’

  ‘Oh, God, I don’t know. Something else John said threw me.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘It’s almost like he thinks it’s cursed. Olive told him it was a bad place and bad things happened there.’

  ‘It’s probably all superstitious crap and old wives’ tales.’

  ‘I don’t know. I still think Olive knows what happened. I wish I could talk to her but John says her dementia’s got worse lately.’

  ‘Do you still think your grandad was involved?’

  ‘I think if the babies were murdered, it would have been him. I mean, he had the motive, didn’t he? If he found out they weren’t his, he might well have wanted to get rid of them. And John’s already said he was a nasty piece of work.’

  ‘Doesn’t explain the one next door, though.’

  ‘Unless Grandad buried one under their statue without whoever lived there knowing.’

  ‘Now you really have been watching too many crime dramas.’

  I stood up and paced around the kitchen. The estate agent had asked me to confirm our acceptance as soon as possible. There was always a chance the Hargreaveses would get fed-up waiting and withdraw the offer.

  ‘So are we moving there, or not?’ I asked.

  James shrugged. ‘It makes complete sense financially. It takes all the pressure off you getting another job.’

  ‘You don’t think I’m going to find something, do you?’

  ‘I didn’t say that. What I actually think is that you shouldn’t even try.’

  I frowned at him. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘How about you get your degree and a teaching qualification? Do the job you always dreamt of instead of slogging your guts out for crap pay in a café.’

  For a minute, I was speechless. It was something I’d given up on long ago. To be honest, I’d never expected to get a second chance. ‘Don’t be daft. I’m the mother of two kids. I can’t just drop everything and become a student.’

  ‘You could. You could do it all in Leeds. You’d be home every night, unless you wanted to go to all the student parties.’

  I smiled at him. ‘And who would get Maisie to and from school? It’s a nice thought but it’s not going to happen. I had my chance. Blew it.’

  ‘Hey, you mustn’t talk like that. It wasn’t your fault.’

  I walked away a few paces. That was the trouble with James. He always saw the best in me. He hadn’t known me back then, had never seen me off my face, like I had been that night. It was my fault and I’d had to live with the consequences. People like me didn’t deserve second chances.

  ‘Anyway,’ I said, ‘we need to make a decision.’

  ‘What’s your gut feeling?’

  ‘It was that we should move to Grandma’s. But that was before I talked to John.’

  ‘I wouldn’t put too much weight on that. You hardly know him and he certainly doesn’t know us.’

  ‘I feel like I’ve known him ages. He’s family, almost the only family I’ve got that’s actually talking to me at the moment.’

  ‘What about me?’ asked James.

  ‘I’m worried you’re only going along with it because it was my suggestion in the first place.’

  ‘I thought you knew me better than that,’ he said, with a smile. ‘I’d tell you if I didn’t think you were doing the right thing.’ He walked over and took my hand.

  ‘I hate this,’ I said. ‘I thought we had it all sorted out.’

  ‘We did. This is simply a last-minute wobble on your part. You’re getting cold feet because of what John said, but think how stupid you’d feel if we turned the offer down and didn’t get another in the next six months. Then where would we be?’

  ‘You’re right,’ I said, nodding vigorously, in an effort to make myself believe it. ‘I’ll call the estate agent and accept. And we’ll tell the girls after tea. I don’t want them finding out when someone comes to put a sold sign outside.’

  ‘Ruby’s not going to be happy.’

  ‘I’ll handle her. You just try to stop me promising to get them anything more than the bloody puppy.’

  *

  As soon as I’d got the dishwasher loaded, we went into the living room. Ruby was on her tablet, Maisie was on her kiddie version, which I suspected wouldn’t fend off much longer a request for a real one. They stopped what they were doing. Ours had become one of those homes where people expected bad news to be delivered with alarming regularity.

  ‘We’ve found a buyer for our house,’ I said, desperately trying for a positive, optimistic tone.

  ‘But it’s only just been put up for sale,’ said Ruby.

  ‘It was very quick. Someone came today and offered what we’d asked for.’

  ‘Is that why we went to Uncle John’s? Because you wanted us out of the way?’

  I sighed. Nothing got past her. ‘I didn’t think you’d want to be here,’ I said. ‘Anyway, you both like going to see Uncle John.’

  ‘Can we get the puppy now?’ asked Maisie.

  I smiled. ‘We won’t be moving for about three months. It takes that long for all the legal things to go through. We just wanted to let you know.’

  ‘Well,’ said Ruby, ‘I told you, I’m not going.’

  ‘Come on, love,’ I said. ‘I know you’re not keen but you’ll have your own room and you can both invite friends around for sleepovers.’

>   ‘You really think any of my friends will want to sleep there?’ said Ruby. ‘Do you want me to show you what they’re saying on WhatsApp and Snapchat? They’re calling it a house of horrors. They reckon the whole street’s full of dead babies. The running joke is that King Herod used to live there.’

  ‘Ruby, that’s enough,’ I said, gesturing towards Maisie.

  ‘She’s going to get it at school too,’ Ruby went on. ‘Maybe not now but in a year or so. God knows what they’ll have found by then.’

  ‘Stop it now,’ I said.

  ‘Only if you say we’re not moving there.’

  ‘Well, we are,’ I said. ‘None of us wanted this. I didn’t want to be made redundant but sometimes you don’t get a choice in life.’

  ‘Fine. You can go without me.’

  Maisie started to cry. James went over and sat her on his lap.

  ‘Now look what you’ve done,’ I said.

  ‘Oh, yeah, right, it’s my fault. Everything’s my fault. You’re the one who was so drunk you can’t even remember my dad’s name. You move up there with your perfect daughter, the one who’s got a dad whose name you do know, and I’ll go and find mine. I’ll get a DNA test done, and when I do find him, I’ll go and live with him because I bet he loves me more than you do.’

  ‘Ruby, that’s enough,’ said James.

  ‘You’re not my real dad,’ she said, ‘so don’t pretend to be.’

  She flew out of the room. Maisie broke into a howl and I stood there, wishing I’d listened to Mum, to John and to every other person in my life who’d told me things I’d ignored.

  *

  The hush that eventually descended on the house wasn’t an easy one. Maisie had been given special dispensation to sleep in our bed with James for the night because she was so upset and because I was scared of what Ruby would say to her if I left them in the same room.

  I should have had Maisie’s bed. That’s what I’d told James I’d do. But the truth was, I was too ashamed to go in there and face her. Because she was right: it was all my fault. All the years I’d kidded myself that this would never be a problem and we could all play happy families together, I’d known deep down that wouldn’t be the case and one day I’d have to face the consequences of being so bloody stupid.

  And there was nothing I could say to her to make it right. No amount of apologising would make it go away or allow her to understand how bad I felt for my behaviour. The fact was, Ruby was wiser now than I had been when I was twenty. She would never get herself into a situation like that, never do something she would regret for the rest of her life. She was so, so much better than me. I was intensely proud of her for it, but it didn’t make my own shame any easier to bear.

  I got a sleeping bag and laid it on the sofa. It had been a tough day. We all needed time on our own and space apart. I went upstairs and pulled the light cord in the bathroom, wishing, as ever, that it wasn’t so loud. I brushed my teeth with my eyes averted from the mirror, unable even to face myself. And when that was done, I took off my clothes and pulled on a baggy night-shirt. I took my dressing-gown from the back of the bathroom door, turned off the light and paused on the landing outside the girls’ bedroom. I should go in and try to talk to Ruby, I knew that. I was failing her as a mother if I didn’t. But I had failed her from the beginning. Why should that change now?

  ‘Night. Love you,’ I whispered through the door, then crept downstairs and zipped myself into the sleeping bag.

  *

  The next morning I woke early, surprised I’d slept at all. It took me a few moments to work out where I was before I stretched my aching back, sat up and unzipped the sleeping bag. I put my slippers on, went straight over to the window and pulled back the curtain. There was nothing on the doorstep. My car, which still had the scratch prominently down one side, appeared to be otherwise unscathed, and there was no sign of a note. I sighed. This was what it had come to: being relieved that no one had vandalised my property or threatened my family during the night.

  I busied myself getting out the breakfast things. There was no mention of the investigation on the local news. I guessed there wouldn’t be now until there was a new development. It wouldn’t stop people talking, though. I picked up my phone and searched again on Twitter. Someone was claiming the babies had been sacrificed in a Satanic ritual. This was what we were going to have to put up with unless someone could clear Grandma’s name. I wondered how Andrea and her family were doing. I imagined she was glad it was half-term and her kids didn’t have to face school. I should go up there and see her but I wasn’t sure I’d be welcome. They must be ruing the day they’d moved in next door to Grandma.

  I looked up as James came into the kitchen, closely followed by Maisie.

  ‘Morning, sweetheart,’ I said, giving Maisie a hug. ‘Did you sleep OK?’

  ‘Not really. Daddy’s big and hairy and kept getting in the way.’

  ‘Well, you can go back to your own bed tonight,’ I said, smiling at James.

  ‘Has Ruby stopped being mad at everyone?’

  ‘She’ll be fine,’ I said. ‘But we all need to give her a bit of time and space.’

  ‘Are we still going to move?’

  I glanced across at James. He gave a little nod.

  ‘Yes,’ I said.

  ‘And we’ll still get a puppy?’

  ‘Yes, but it won’t be straight away. We’ll start looking for one that needs rehoming in the spring.’

  ‘Will Ruby have to be rehomed too?’

  I kissed the top of her head, unsure whether to laugh or cry. ‘Ruby’s not going to live with anyone else.’

  ‘Why don’t you know her daddy’s name?’

  I tried to think of an acceptable answer but nothing came.

  ‘Tell you what,’ said James. ‘Why don’t we let Mummy go and get a shower while we make a breakfast smoothie?’

  ‘Yay,’ said Maisie.

  *

  Ruby was at the table when I came down, though still avoiding eye contact and being decidedly uncommunicative.

  ‘Morning,’ I said, not expecting a response and not getting one. ‘Wow, this smoothie looks good, Maisie.’

  ‘There’s a secret ingredient in it and you need to buy some more strawberry ice-cream.’

  ‘Thanks for letting me know,’ I said, with a smile.

  Maybe we could find a way through somehow. It wasn’t going to be easy or quick but at some point perhaps we would be sitting around the table in Grandma’s house and everyone would be smiling.

  The knock on the door brought me back to my senses. My first thought was that whoever was behind the threatening notes and the bones had finally plucked up the courage to threaten me face to face.

  ‘I’ll go,’ I said. ‘Probably the postman.’

  I shut the kitchen door behind me, just in case. I opened the front door a crack and peered out. DI Freeman was standing on the step. ‘Sorry to bother you so early,’ he said. ‘I did try calling but couldn’t get a reply.’

  I’d left my phone on silent last night. ‘No problem,’ I said. ‘Come in.’ I wondered if they’d found another body, whether everything was about to get even worse than it already was. I showed him through to the living room. He sat on the edge of the sofa.

  ‘We’ve had the DNA results back from the latest bones.’

  ‘Oh,’ I said. ‘Is the baby Grandma’s?’

  ‘No,’ he replied.

  I shut my eyes. ‘Thank God. I don’t think I could have coped with another.’

  DI Freeman’s face was still grave.

  ‘What is it?’ I asked.

  ‘The DNA doesn’t match the father of the other two babies either. It had different parents from the first two but the maternal DNA is linked to your own.’

  ‘I don’t understand.’

  ‘Obviously we
can’t say anything for certain at this stage but the baby appears to have had the same maternal DNA as you.’

  I stared at him, unable to believe what I’d just heard. ‘You’re saying it’s my mother’s?’

  DI Freeman looked down at his feet. ‘The condition of the bones indicates that the baby was buried more recently than the first two, possibly forty to fifty years ago. There were fibres from a blanket which it was buried in too. Again, that points to a more recent burial.’

  ‘No . . . There must have been a mistake.’

  DI Freeman shook his head. ‘I’m sorry. I appreciate this must have come as a shock. What we really need now is to get a DNA sample from your mother. I understand it’s a sensitive situation, which is why I’ve come to see you. She’s under no compulsion to give one unless we arrest her. Obviously, we don’t want to do that, so I’d be very grateful if you could persuade her to do it voluntarily. We don’t want to cause your family any more upset than you’ve already had.’

  I sat there shaking, unable to process what I was hearing.

  ‘All right,’ I said. ‘I’ll go and see her now, although I don’t know what shift she’s on today. We haven’t really . . .’ I was struggling to hold myself together.

  DI Freeman seemed even more uncomfortable than he had previously. He stood up. ‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘I do appreciate it. Just let me know a convenient time for one of our officers to visit her.’

  I nodded, although I still couldn’t believe this was happening, and showed him to the door.

  As I opened it, I asked, ‘Do you think the baby was murdered?’

  ‘It’s too early to say,’ he replied. ‘But, as with the others, that has to be a possibility.’

  12 August 1944

  My Dearest Betty,

  I wish I could dry those tears for you but please know that I meant every word I said today. I will stand by you. I will do more than that. I will marry you, and when this war is over, I will take you back to Winnipeg and we will set up home there and raise our baby together. Please don’t think of this as the end, Betty. This could be the beginning of our life together. And I know you’re young and I understand how scary this must be for you but I am going to do the right thing by you. Not because it’s what I should do but because it’s what I want to do.